Today is Saturday, hence yesterday was Rebecca Black's favourite day of the week. It was quite busy and I didn't have internet on the train to type, so here is a recap of what happened.
0800 study for bad pathology lectures
1100 case study learning
1300 meet up with under grad uni friend to help with their gamsat study
1600 study more for the bad pathology lectures
1730 have dinner with new uni friends*
2000 meet up with boyfriend to exchange gifts and watched this cat documentary on netflix
2300 sleep
Everything was pretty good for the uni life yesterday, but after dinner with uni friends* (asterick for unsure yet), I realised that I'm struggling with the same normal problem I've been writing about in the last few days. I feel like there is this weird idea in one of the group members mind that there is this idea of 'cool' and 'uncool' or tame, which I think is really stupid, but I've also realised that I obviously had these thoughts before, and I feel like it's sort of coming back to me, and this disgust is something I have to deal with because I have to accept that I once thought those thoughts, but I also don't feel that anymore. Sage leaves will not cure you of your past, you have to move past the discomfort of it all and realise that the beliefs you have now, are you. They are solid.
Ok that sounds so confident right, but I don't know whether I'm confident on them. Like I still have feelings of 'being cool' and being lame and how I don't want to be lame, and that high school point of view. I know there are still lots of people who see the world in that light, but I don't want to view a world in the light of what society thinks is cool. I keep forgetting that I have perceptions of what I like, and what society likes and I should stick with my ideals.
But as my psych has been telling me, its so hard to find your true identity and stick with it, and because I'm in this discomforting environment, I feel the need to go with what everyone else is feeling, and not how I'm feeling.
Anyway, I hated that. I want to stop feeling like I need to follow other peoples points of view, because I have my own point of view, it's just sort of weak.
On a brighter note, David gave me a new Murakami book called Killing Commendatore, and I really was surprised because I do really like Murakami, and I guess I didn't know that I wanted to read it until he gave it to me. It was very nice of him.
Also even brighter, my watercress seeds have arrived.
0800 study for bad pathology lectures
1100 case study learning
1300 meet up with under grad uni friend to help with their gamsat study
1600 study more for the bad pathology lectures
1730 have dinner with new uni friends*
2000 meet up with boyfriend to exchange gifts and watched this cat documentary on netflix
2300 sleep
Everything was pretty good for the uni life yesterday, but after dinner with uni friends* (asterick for unsure yet), I realised that I'm struggling with the same normal problem I've been writing about in the last few days. I feel like there is this weird idea in one of the group members mind that there is this idea of 'cool' and 'uncool' or tame, which I think is really stupid, but I've also realised that I obviously had these thoughts before, and I feel like it's sort of coming back to me, and this disgust is something I have to deal with because I have to accept that I once thought those thoughts, but I also don't feel that anymore. Sage leaves will not cure you of your past, you have to move past the discomfort of it all and realise that the beliefs you have now, are you. They are solid.
Ok that sounds so confident right, but I don't know whether I'm confident on them. Like I still have feelings of 'being cool' and being lame and how I don't want to be lame, and that high school point of view. I know there are still lots of people who see the world in that light, but I don't want to view a world in the light of what society thinks is cool. I keep forgetting that I have perceptions of what I like, and what society likes and I should stick with my ideals.
But as my psych has been telling me, its so hard to find your true identity and stick with it, and because I'm in this discomforting environment, I feel the need to go with what everyone else is feeling, and not how I'm feeling.
Anyway, I hated that. I want to stop feeling like I need to follow other peoples points of view, because I have my own point of view, it's just sort of weak.
On a brighter note, David gave me a new Murakami book called Killing Commendatore, and I really was surprised because I do really like Murakami, and I guess I didn't know that I wanted to read it until he gave it to me. It was very nice of him.
Also even brighter, my watercress seeds have arrived.
So exciting to start sowing them. I will keep this blog updated on this true joy!!!!!!!!!
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