Hi,
I thought my depression subsided a bit but then a jealous kick came along with my boyfriend's actions, and uni has just been really hectic recently. Like last week, I had three tutoring late night sessions, and I was already so tired from uni and trying to keep up with writing notes and trying to be a good person who wasn't depressed. I thought it was going ok, but I guess it got so hot today and all my anger is fired up.
Firstly, let me start off with my boyfriend being an absolute arse, and also the rabbit hole down my overthinking. So he was finally able to do a fly away, which is where you fly out of the state, and stay overnight whereever you land, and then you fly back, and it's all real fun, but you can also bring on a passenger. For some reason, he decided that he was going to bring on his female friend (who i have never heard of before), and will have to stay overnight with her, in possibly a tent. NO. She didn't have any other reason to be there other than wanting to also fly to whereever they were going. And I personally think that this is too much for me. Like I am not really holding everything together - uni and the new friends is really anxiety causing, the amount of work I'm trying to put into tutoring without feeling like I'm exhausted is too much, and my parents aren't really the best support vessel. Honestly, I was/still am not in a good place, and my boyfriend who is supposed to support me, decides that it's totally appropriate to do this.
I already don't trust him a lot because he has told me that when he tried to date me, he was still with his girlfriend at the time, and broke things off after our date. So it is really not that easy for me not to identify as the girlfriend, and worry that one day he is also going to do that. And he is not being supportive AT ALL, because he slept when he got there, and when I called him, he hung up, and then messaged me which isn't something he normally does and although I haven't confronted him about this, it makes me feel like I've been cheated on. Additionally, he hasn't made the effort to meet up with me this week, which feels like he is probably going to jump on another ship and sail off.
Actually, that's all I'm going to rant about right now. I feel very empty and the worst is that although I hope this is all imagination in my brain, it all could possibly be true, and I would never know.
I thought my depression subsided a bit but then a jealous kick came along with my boyfriend's actions, and uni has just been really hectic recently. Like last week, I had three tutoring late night sessions, and I was already so tired from uni and trying to keep up with writing notes and trying to be a good person who wasn't depressed. I thought it was going ok, but I guess it got so hot today and all my anger is fired up.
Firstly, let me start off with my boyfriend being an absolute arse, and also the rabbit hole down my overthinking. So he was finally able to do a fly away, which is where you fly out of the state, and stay overnight whereever you land, and then you fly back, and it's all real fun, but you can also bring on a passenger. For some reason, he decided that he was going to bring on his female friend (who i have never heard of before), and will have to stay overnight with her, in possibly a tent. NO. She didn't have any other reason to be there other than wanting to also fly to whereever they were going. And I personally think that this is too much for me. Like I am not really holding everything together - uni and the new friends is really anxiety causing, the amount of work I'm trying to put into tutoring without feeling like I'm exhausted is too much, and my parents aren't really the best support vessel. Honestly, I was/still am not in a good place, and my boyfriend who is supposed to support me, decides that it's totally appropriate to do this.
I already don't trust him a lot because he has told me that when he tried to date me, he was still with his girlfriend at the time, and broke things off after our date. So it is really not that easy for me not to identify as the girlfriend, and worry that one day he is also going to do that. And he is not being supportive AT ALL, because he slept when he got there, and when I called him, he hung up, and then messaged me which isn't something he normally does and although I haven't confronted him about this, it makes me feel like I've been cheated on. Additionally, he hasn't made the effort to meet up with me this week, which feels like he is probably going to jump on another ship and sail off.
Actually, that's all I'm going to rant about right now. I feel very empty and the worst is that although I hope this is all imagination in my brain, it all could possibly be true, and I would never know.
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